A look back on the conversion process from human ego to spirit.
Being born to atheists and I do not say this lightly, I grew up not knowing Wisdom. Not knowing Love. God to me was a distant star maybe even a nebula out past this galaxy if other galaxy's really do exist.
I was drafted into the Episcopal Church by way of a lawyer who had to rescue me from my own self destructive nature. Atheism is in fact destruction of a true soul which God grants to each of us. Without the One who gives Wisdom, a soul is actually dead to Him after the soul enters a graceless womb, wherein the parents of this flesh's infant are atheists themselves. I spent much time watching movies and television shows made by other atheists who do not believe in God nor know God. I say 'nor know God' because I found out that those who 'know' God, have a lot to say about God, just as any person that knows another person that talks about them in a good loving way. Can't stop thinking about them, because they genuinely love that person. Genuine love. An atheist does love another person whether atheist or not atheist but, I tell you, love is in those whom are genuine people. Thousands of us humans are in fact atheists. Adam's first son was an atheist and had jealousy towards his brother. Adam's children were Adam's children and not as God would have wanted man to be born. That is by God's Grace. This is most difficult to see and accept that God wanted all children born of a woman be like Mary giving birth to Jesus similar. The issue is, Satan instigated Eve to have intercourse with Adam. The Evil instructed by some powerful sorcery and words rather than God through the Holy Spirit Grace. As Jesus explained how perfect the First two were in creation unstained, innocent, no incentives to lusts, prior to the Evil One, they were fresh like dew on the grass that was untainted. Perfect in creation, but not perfected in Love. That was the goal of God's for them. To become perfected in 'love.' Obedience is where they had failed.
As a result of their failure, as Jesus explained about Daniel's vision concerning the 4 beasts, the first one is referring to man who was a demigod, losing grace, and becoming atheists, the denial of God. Adam and Eve denied God in reality. If I do not accept your word as truth, then I reject it outright. Because, I don't agree and I have other interests. However you may rationalize these thoughts I just presented if you do not accept what God has stated, you reject it. Simple. I may later realize what God said was 'truth' because He told me what would happen if I chose otherwise. I wanted another way. So we find that through this first rejection led to 'death' and many evils.
As parents who know what will happen to their child if they do something in error (name it) the same did God with Adam and Eve. He knew the Evil there presented itself as lure and falsehood, spoke to them and commanded them, His most dear children, so as not to not lose them, and enter some hell on earth and for the rest of those coming afterwards, simple words which they being the First ones created in perfection with no memory or other mental issues, would understand perfectly. So we see Adam saying the woman, you gave me did this and I ate as well. She brought this fruit which seemed good but turned quickly into a terrible mistake. Instead of saying to God, I made a mistake, they blamed. So we see this trait here passed on to rest of rest. Blaming.
When converting to the true Faith here, after having lived as human being in the human ego, a process takes place, where we undergo, ego change. This is perhaps hard to even describe. Once we were gong ho, now we are not so gong ho. A change is taking place from lower to higher nature where the lower human nature is slowly but surely becoming lesser and lesser. What John the Baptist used, I must become lesser and He must become greater. But an ego personality change. A new character being formed the soul coming to life from embryo taking over. I noticed I could not act in the old human ego because my soul's ego had taken over. What is going on? The old man is going bye bye. St. Paul talks about this as well. His old self, being sunk to the grave sort to speak so his soul's ego would rise. The old person who had been living and this is tough because the old guy is no longer in charge, the new guy is and has nothing to do with the old one. I just watched in my mind this old guy not able to say a word. It is there in memory but has nothing to do with the new guy, the regenerated soul coming to life. The old has to be fully buried. The prayer of Jesus which St. Azaraiah gave to Maria and is in that book.
'Teach me to do your Will. Teach me to live; teach me to suffer; teach me to obey; teach me to die. First to myself, and then to all that could seduce me and resurrect the human ego. Teach me, so that "the precepts of your mouth which I have repeated for everyone' may burst into flower, first of all in the pure field of my heart, and prosper and bear fruit of eternal life without birds, thorns, darnel, couch grass, and passers-by destroying what You have sown in me.'
When we truly convert from the old to the new, we encounter the human ego, we don't know that it is this we are noticing within.
Jesus talks about this as well. We get an idea from this chapter: Man's Two Opposed Memories in the Quadranetti Notebook which is not being sold any longer. Yet, we really do not understand well enough to identify it properly. We just notice this part of us that is unable to make any decisions to act any longer. It just feels dead and you hear the thoughts like watching a vision inside sinking, sunk, is now below whereas before it was in the limelight the main person with all it's thoughts.
The human ego cannot ever rise again. It wreaks havoc. It is self seeking, self embellishing monster that has no wisdom.
The human ego is what St. Azaraiah's book calls it. The prayer of the Great Victim. St. Paul calls is entirely something else in his epistle to the Romans.
It is really the exchange of presence in us. The human ego versus the spiritual ego. The human is straw, it only seeks what is below to gratify it's satiation. Hunger. The lower nature associated with the flesh which enters into the mind of the soul and takes it over so we do not really understand this at all. We go through the process not really able to identify what is going on to us. Ego vs ego. Man's Two Opposed Memories is what Jesus calls it. Memory of humanity and memory of the soul. What a mess!
Jesus in the Eucharist 'Bread and Wine' aids us in conquering the human ego. Where only 1 species is presented, you get only a bread piece, the bread and no Body. He simply doesn't honor this priests sacrilege is direly disgusted in an disobedient shepherd and does not come down to transubstantiate the Bread and the Wine. How is this possible? Obedience to His Command. Simple. Adam and Eve did not obey God and look where mankind is. Disobedience leads to 'death.' Loss of Grace. And then loss of Heaven. If Jesus had not come, those in Limbo would still be there. Those in Purgatory would still be there. The act of Adam and Eve was a very big no no which we do not really understand the consequences at all. Their act has lead to Atheism being the predominant occult and irreligion.
More on this as we progress in the thought.
Peace be with you always
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